Well the Christmas tree has been up in the Feathers for nearly a month now so it must be time. And John Lewis has rolled out it’s Sesame street tear-jerker-give-us-all-your-money Christmas advert and everyone else is already hard at it on the telly and that… So here’s our very own take on the Christmas hard sell.
The following people off your present lists would benefit immensely from opening “Telegraph Pole Appreciation for Beginners (Key Stages 1-4) this crimble day : Uncles Derek, Geoff (1), Bryan, Brian, Jim, Geoff (2). Aunties Vi, Brenda, Caroline, Julie, Debbie, Margaret, Imogen*1 Grandad on mam’s side. Grandad on her side. Nana, the other Nana. The one we call Nana but isn’t really one. Mates: Dave (1, 2 & 3), Eddie, Bob, Brian, Andy, Jez, Jaz, etc. Lady acquaintances: Sue, Carol, Jenny, Kath, Lesley, Wendy. Plus the following sundry persons: The entire populations of the counties of, Leicestershire, Northants, Hants, Devon, Cornwall (is that a county?) Northumberland, Cumberland, Lancs, Yorks, Wiltshire, Shropshire, Cheshire, Borsetshire, all those ending in “sex” down south, Wales, Scotland, Ireland. And any other counties I can’t think of right now. Oh and John, mustn’t forget John.
Just imagine their 60 million little faces lighting up on yuletide morn as they gaze upon that beautiful wipe-clean cover revealing 150 pages of pure telegraph pole indulgence. And all for just £9.99 plus p&p. Get your copies here.