The Peterborough Anomaly

My wife has kept an old Cray supercomputer in the back parlour for years.  We’ve always used it to air clothes on and dry boots.  And it’s a favourite place for the cat to sleep as it hums away performing its 1012 floating point operations per second.  Anyway, The Telegraph Pole Appreciation Society membership database has been growing quite steadily and we decided we would use the old Cray to do some statistical analyis of our members.  What we found was quite startling.  Look at this membership distribution graph :

TPAS membership by county

A modest cluster of TPAS members in Wales and  Devon as we might expect.  Similarly a slightly higher frequency of memberhip in the south east which also comprises London so not out of the ordinary.  But the enormous spike of members per million per capita in Cambridgeshire completely flabbered our ghast.  If this were a scientific data-set then this would be more than statistically significant – it might be considered definite proof of something. But what?  Luckily our data resolution is such that we can drill-down into the data to analyse on a town by town basis.  See Fig 2.

TPAS membership by county

The graph showed a fairly even distribution across all the towns and villages according to their respective population. But then look what happens at Peterborough. What is it about this low-lying fenland town that compels so many of its citizens to appreciate telegraph poles enough to join the only society in the whole world dedicated to appreciating them?

Could it be the far-reaching fenland vistas allows Peterburgers uncluttered perpectives as telegraph poles disappear off in to the distance? Who knows? But maybe we should consider holding the next Telegraph Pole Appreciation Society Annual Conference in Peterborough.

Honourary Technical Manager

We might just have filled the vacant position of Honourary Technical Manager – another email, this time from a gentleman by the name of Keith S*****.

I believe I am possibly the last living former Poles Inspector. I worked for the post office and inspected hundreds of thousands of poles in the raw state in forests all over the UK and in Finland.

My initials KS are stamped on the base of hundreds of thousands of telegraph poles in situ now.

I also supervised the pressure creosoting of poles at various depots in the UK.  There is nothing I do not know about Telegraph Poles!

I also did a spell of inspecting electricity board poles for about 6 months in the early 70’s so can advise on that aspect of poles also.

Give me the initials from the butt of a  Post Office pole and I will tell you the name of the man who inspected it and accepted it on the Queen’s behalf – they all have one or two crowns stamped on the butt. One crown for a  ‘light’ two crowns for a’ medium’ and three crowns for a ‘stout ‘to denote her majesty’s ownership.”

 Welcome to The Telegraph Pole Appreciation Society, Keith

*Keith’s real name obscured for obscure reasons of national security.

Join the Society

Tell the world you appreciate telegraph poles and all the things that hang from them, stand on them, nest in them, gaze up at them, by becoming a member of The Telegraph Pole Appreciation Society. And what’s more, there is a badge, certificate and even a pencil that in certain light could look like a telegraph pole, all available to say that you’re a member.  For life, too.

Telegraph Pole   Appreciation Society Certificate Telegraph Pole Pencil TPAS pin badge

There is a one-off cost of just £3.00 to join the Telegraph Pole Appreciation Society. This fee covers the cost of the badges, pencils, printing and postage. We don’t give your details to anyone else, and we probably won’t be stuffing your email inbox with endless newsletters either.

MEMBERSHIP OUTSIDE THE UK.  Alas our membership packs replete with certificate, pencil & badge are classed as a parcel by the post office and so cost us a bomb when posting outside the UK.  Therefore we can no longer include anything sticky-outy in packs sent to addresses outside the UK (or Basingstoke).  If you are abroad and want the pencil and badge too, then please contact us first.


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