Sir Benjamin enjoying a cigar on the touchline prior to the game
Sir Benjamin enjoys a cigar on the touchline prior to the excitement of the game. Seen here with his gentleman assistant, Huw Thayer

This was the day our late founder, Sir Benjamin Spoon BEM re-incarnated to attend a prestigious football event in the Blue Square Conference of Great British Footy. This game between Wrexham and Kidderminster Harriers was a must-win contest for both sides.

As it happened, those bounders from the West Midlands went home with all 3 vital points due to a 94th minute flapping of handbags in the Wrexham defence. Much jeerification followed.

After the game, Sir Benjamin hung around the bar answering questions from bar staff regarding how much ice to put in his whiskey. He also took the opportunity to mingle with curious onlookers, getting meithered by a couple of kids as well as generally being stared at in a mouth-agape sort of fashion. Then, as quickly as he arrived, he disassembled himself back to his Denbighshire graveyard where he’s spent the last 150 years.

Enjoying another, or possibly the same cigar alongside the last person who ever knew where the bloody net was at Wrexham, Gary Bennett.
Enjoying another, or possibly the same cigar alongside the last person who ever knew where the bloody net was at Wrexham, Gary Bennett. Also seen alongside is someone with a severe skin disorder and hideously deformed head.

 

Sir Benjamin, his servant and the players prior to the match
Wrexham captain, Ashley Westwood, listens intently to tactical advice imparted by Sir Benjamin. Had they heeded said advice, the result would have been a resounding thrashing for the opponents.
Sir Benjy with the after-match champers. What what!
Definitely not the same cigar, surely. Sir Benjamin cracks the first of many bottles of champagne. A defeat is only a victory backwards after all.

 

Sir Benjamin with man of the match, Andrew Crofts, and man-servant Huw Thayer.
Sir Benjamin offers to clean man of the match, Andrew Crofts’ shirt of all the felt-pen scrawling. Or rather, his manservant, Huw Thayer, will clean it. And in his own time too.
Associate members of the Telegraph Pole Appreciation Society
Associate members of the Telegraph Pole Appreciation Society gather to applaud the decision to wash said shirt.